My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
Short Jokes
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
Me. I am the joke.
I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.
You know, for his sake.
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.
Why are these jokes bad?
They're literally the worst jokes ever.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
The Statue of Liberty is French; she ain't even American. Deport that bitch!
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
