Short jokes
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
Where does Bin Laden keep his CDs?
In Iraq.
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
What's wrong with 89?
You blow me and I owe you one.
What does Kylie Jenner feed her baby? Plastic MILK! LOL
Three gay guys walk into a bar.
There is only one stool left, what do they do?
They flip the stool over.
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?
"Oasis!" (Oh, hey sis!)
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
What did kings say when they were made king?
Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...