Short jokes
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Keep calm and curry on!
What is Bill Gates’ favorite equation?
1 + 1 =
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
Tuxedos suit you.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.
Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"