Short jokes
Nah, I'm Hawaiian but I'm also Japanese. So does that mean I bombed my own harbor?
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
I put the fun in funeral.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
The boys joking be like:
One guy: "Balls!"
All the other guys: "Hahahahaha!"