Short jokes
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
I want your weight, not your phone number.
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
"It's Sunday evening!"
"No. It's Monday eve."
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?
The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
What's a rapper's favorite DESSERT?
Rhyme-berry pie.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.