Short jokes

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.

Abandon ship!

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

Are multiple choice questions too easy?

A) Yes.

Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

I was Gandalf the Grey.

But now, after just three washes...

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

Pineapple turnover.

Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.

What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?

He strained himself.

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.