Short jokes
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
Puss.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
What should I sell my dragon for?
Dragon these balls across yo face!
Your hairline is so discombobulated, it looks like a geometrical shape.
Your hairline is so hideous that Derrick White's hairline envies yours.
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To feel what it is like to be wanted.
What is the same with emos and orphans? They both are unwanted.
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
Why are natives called redskins? Idk, ask the pilgrims 😂
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
Knock knock. Who's there? Beep boop S.t.e.p.h.e.n beep boop H.a.w.k.i.n.g.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
Stephen Hawking doesn't go for a stroll. He goes for a roll.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.