Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
Short Jokes
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!
Your move, Ron DeSantis.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
