Short jokes
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.