Short jokes
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.