Short jokes
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!
Your move, Ron DeSantis.