Short jokes
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's fingers!
What does the ocean do to its friends? It waves. (*Sorry, I wasn’t making any jokes for a while. I was getting sick of this thing.*)
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
A depressed boy went to high five a tree, guess what the tree did?
The tree left him hanging.
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
mnvsdvmsdnva.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."
You're sponsoring eBay with your hairline.
What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?
The chicken is actually used for something.
There is a ghost baseball game and one team loses because of one player so they start booing him!