Short jokes
Why don't bald eagles brush their teeth? Because they don't have teeth! xD
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
Why you always in a mood?
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
I didn’t do that.
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.
But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?
2nd person: What?
1st person: A pianist.
Police seek clues to explain Walmart.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me.
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-