Short jokes
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
To find Pluto.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!