Short jokes
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
To find Pluto.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.