Short jokes
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Putin is the only person whose country is bigger than his mind.
Poop is yummy, fuck!
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
What do you call a fucked up mullet? A fullet.
You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!
American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?
Either Canadian or European.
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.
Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?
AR-15: Who are you?
Musket: I'm you, but from another timeline.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!