Short jokes
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Why is ten afraid? Because he’s in between nine and eleven.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.
What do dicks and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
Why do orphans love tornadoes? Because they always pick you up!
Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!
Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.
What's the difference between BTS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama.
"The truest things ARE the funniest things."
-Lollipop from JacknJellify, the BFDI series.
Why do white people own so many pets?
'Cause they can't own people anymore.
What do snowmen call snowballs?
Children!
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
Why do orphans love church?
They finally have a father.
Did you know that McDonald's have a new McScully burger?
It's a 59-year-old piece of meat in a 2-year-old bun.
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.