Short jokes
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.
I see a dreamer.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
Orange: Hey.
Pear: Hey.
Orange: No hay!
What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?
Pony-tails.
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?
Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!
An acronym for penis is Proton-enhanced nuclear induction spectroscopy. So just remember, the word "nuclear" is part of a penis.
Why are all fat people bad drivers?
They are all hungover.