Short jokes
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."
Your hairline is so ugly, it's stretching down to Bikini Bottom.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
Why does Britain suck at chess?
They lost their queen.
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
I am the danger.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
What do you call gay parents?
Poly.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."