Short jokes
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.
Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.
You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.