Short jokes
In the Robocide, Explain Bear is the first to go.
The best and worst part about being bi:
Best: Double the love, double the fun.
Worst: Double the love, double the loneliness.
The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
Why do leftists strive for a literate population?
So people can understand their wall of text memes.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.
That's why he married Courtney Love.
Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?
Because a black person was approaching.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite hobby?
Rolling on ice.
I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.