Your hairline is so ugly, it's stretching down to Bikini Bottom.
Short Jokes
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
The priest had a very holy shirt.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
They are delicious.
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
Why does Britain suck at chess?
They lost their queen.
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
What do you call gay parents?
Poly.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
What do you call an artist who couldn't make it as Hitler?
Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.
