Short jokes
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
What is Jimmy Savile's favorite Roblox game?
"Undress to Impress."
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?
About 3 years.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?