Short jokes
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
I joined the military for the group showers.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Nothing, because numbers don’t have consciences.
Sayo-nara.
"Hippoty hoppity, women are property."
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.