Short jokes
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.