Short jokes
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?
"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
Where do astronauts 👩🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?
In their launch box! 🚀📦😂
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!