Short jokes
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
What song did Whitney Houston listen to while doing cocaine?
"Run It!" by Chris Brown.
What is the definition of confusion?
Three blind lesbians in a fish market.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
Yo mama so fat, she eats with three utensils: a knife, spoon, and a forklift.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.
Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!
What’s a gay man’s favorite cereal?
Froot Loops
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.