Short jokes
Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.
Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?
Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!
Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined Team 10...
It became TEAM, 10, TONS!