Short jokes
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
Touch Down.
There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt.
Egypt 8, Ethiopia 0.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
Question: What did the sun say to the little star?
Answer: Are you my SUN?
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!