Short jokes
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
1 like = 1 more child in my blender.
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
Your hairline's so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there.
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.