Short jokes

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

What do orphans get at Xmas?

Lonely.

What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?

Chlamydia.

Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it’s a family business.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.

Your forehead is so big I could stand on it.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Your mum's so fat, she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck going down.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pizza?

One held its balance, the other two fell.

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

Eat this, peppe.