Short jokes
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
A limbo champion walks into a bar.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
Because no one misses them.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
What is the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Some smile, others beam.