Short jokes
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
I can't have my Oreos 😠Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
Why am I so successful?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.
1 like = 1 small dick whiny conservative in my blender.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
1 like = 1 fetus donated to the soup kitchen.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
Flat girls be like, "I will have breasts in the future." This is to all the flat girls: you will never get it.
You're so fat when you walk into the mall, you *are* the mall.
Your hairline receded just like your father did years ago.
Why can't white people go to Blackpool? Cuz they're not black.
Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.
Your hairline couldn't be seen even if it was glowing.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?
Me: Because I love miners!