Short jokes
Rizz.
Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why do Mexicans eat tacos?
Because they're border hoppers.
What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.
A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.
My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.
When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?
When it fails to turn up.
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
What did the barbwire say to big foot? "My name is Jeff."
What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?
A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.