Short jokes

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!

Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.

What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?

Depends.

I am on the German website.

Qualification Check:

Single

Taken

Friended ✔

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.

"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"

Why did the cookie cry?

Because its mom was a wafer too long!

I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.