Short jokes
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.