Short jokes
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.