Short jokes
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Bananana!
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?
He was snowed in.