Short jokes
My brother truly is a numbskull.
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Why did the Down syndrome person cross the road? Because there was a zebra crossing!
Women.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
I wish you guys all died.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.