Short jokes
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What do you call an Asian? A-chan.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
Mooning is very astrological!
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.