Short jokes
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?
Pant suits.
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.