Short jokes
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
My shirt is only red when I think about sex.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to download a free version of Windows.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
You. You're the joke.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.