Short jokes
Stephen Hawking missed assembly this morning.
For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.
He's not really dead, his update failed.
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
Guess Stephen's batteries died.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
He's dead now.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
Have you ever heard of the eye tear?
Me either.
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
Jacob has a small penis.