Short jokes
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
What lives on the forest floor?
Forest Gump.
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
My nan's gayyyyyy.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of WiFi.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.