Short jokes
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?
He got a pat on the head.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
What's the name for a short legged tramp?
A low-down bum.
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
What is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is rude and nosy.
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!
Skeleton puns? Nah... they aren't that humerus.
What's a skeleton's favorite meme?
Ken Bone.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!