Short jokes
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
Error.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
Booooooooooooo!
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.