Short jokes
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What is flatter than an Asian?
Their nose.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Dick.
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Answer: Because 7 8 9.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?