Short jokes
Yo mama so fat, she got more rolls than the sand dunes.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.