Short jokes
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
Why was the Milky Way remembered...
Because it's... DELICIOUS!
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
I'm gay, lol.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
What do you call a pizza?
Anthony Cahill's face!
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?