Short jokes
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Who is Stephen Hawking?
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.
What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?
Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.
Stephen Hawking tried joining some music bands, but all of them rejected him... except Daft Punk.
Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.
I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
What's 72?
69 with 3 people watching.
What did Stephen Hawking say on the stairway to heaven?
Oh, fuck! I can’t get up them.
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.