Short jokes
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!
Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
What's green and furry?
Fiona from Shrek.
Mr. Bunler.
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.