Short jokes
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!