Short jokes
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."