Short jokes

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you breathe through that little thing?

Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.

Q: What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant?

A: On The Border.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.

What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!

I like trees when they are firmly stuck in a hole. PS, your hole.

Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?

..... She had cancer.... ;)

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁

What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.