Short jokes
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!
Loser.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
Why does shit come out your asshole? Cause fuck you, that's why.
What do you call a whiteboard that is dirty?
A dirty whiteboard.
What do you call a high school student?
Alone and depressed.
Csgo is just practice for when you want to one tap some 3rd graders
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
What’s a sheep’s favorite song?
"Baby Don’t Herd Me."
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
Ligma.
Balls.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.