Short jokes
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Have you tried eating a clock?
It's time-consuming!
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.