Short jokes

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

Two times four is eight, now stop f***ing asking me!

What does e equal?

I don’t know, a bunch of random numbers, but e=mc2.

I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.

What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?

Continental Drift.

A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...

I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.

What did the bus say to the other bus?

"Beep!"

Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"

What do you call diarrhea from a hot woman? Chocolate milk.

What do you call diarrhea from a fat woman? Arsenic.

A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

мy naмe ιѕ jeғғ.

You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.