Short jokes
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
Stop copying each other, fucking losers!
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
I know a baby carrot when I see one.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
Hitler was a dic-tator.
What's that stupid girl in your class called?
Thot.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Why did the cow steal an AK-47?
He was a mooslim.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.