Short jokes
Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.
Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.
What do you call a burnt retard?
Tomato
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
What did the beaver say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
What is the richest kind of air?
A millionaire.
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
Q: What's a German's favorite Undertale character?
A: Gaster.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."