Short jokes
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
BRUHS0UNDEFFECT!
Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
'Cause she will let it go.
Which mineral is so impolite?
IRONic.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"