Short jokes
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Why was the egg runny?
Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
Your momma!
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
Why is the homeless homeless?
Because it's homeless.
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
My chance of finding love.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Your d*** size...
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.