Short jokes
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Tate
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.