Short jokes
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.