Short jokes
Saying balls go into pussy.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
What did the dad say to the kid?
"U got to be kidding me."
Who deleted my stuff??? Woooow, you racist just because I'm Hispanic?
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
What did the fish say to the other fish? "You have a big butt!"
The other fish said, "We don't have butts......"
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.