Short jokes
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
Really bad penis joke.
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
Bird Box.
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
Stan Lee walked into a school one day.
Just kidding, he's fuckin dead :(
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
Kid: Are you gay?
Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.