Short jokes
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
Is it all right when there is nothing left?
AIDS?
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
What's a queen's favorite drink? Royal-tea!
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...