Short jokes
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
“The difference between Asians and Caucasians is the cau-”.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.