Short jokes

Your fat!

What do you call a baby in the crib?

Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.

Stop it, Superman is stupid, ugly, and nothing.

God help me, please!

Why did God make the devils die?

God is great!

Why did the Red Sox lose?

They say, "Boo, Colorado Rockies."

You look like a 2 year old drawing that came alive.

Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.

The retards take the ancestry tests at 24andMe.com.

What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?

Billie's Jeans.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open, so I asked, “Wendy’s openin’ then?”

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

All dumbs aren't blonde.

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!

Why do seagulls not fly over the bay?

Because if they did, they'd be bay gulls.

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?