Short jokes
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
What do cows read? The moospaper!
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
What do you call a skeleton's egg?
An egg-i-BONE!
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
TDS? More like STDs.
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
Why is the sun so attractive? Because it is burning hot!