Short jokes
No, "quarter quarter."
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)
So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
Read the next line.
Read the previous line.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
Ines.
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
Roses are black, violets are black.
I’m colorblind.
I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.
I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.
Why can't vampires tell jokes right? All their jokes just SUCK.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.