Short jokes
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face.
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.
He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
How does the bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
A treatment joke.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.